It's the most wonderful time of the year! You know how people say that the only things that will survive the apocalypse are Twinkies and cockroaches? I feel like we should add Yandy's Sexy ____ costumes to that list because even through a pandemic they FOUND A WAY to bring you a whole new bunch of costumes that will showcase parts of your body you didn't know you needed to shave.
Many thanks to the tens of you (not an exaggeration) who sent me the Sexy COVID-19 costume that was making the rounds on the internet. I will not be including it here because it is the same as the Sexy Ebola costume from 2014 but this time with face shield. Also, please note that Yandy did not make the Sexy Ebola costume in 2014 and released a statement this year saying they would not make a Sexy COVID costume. If you are considering a Sexy COVID nurse costume this year for, what? your very intimate gathering of just you? I would like you to truly reflect on this: if it's too far for Yandy, it should be too far for you. Maybe instead consider being Jessica who is 34 or Mark who is 24.
SEXY POP CULTURE COSTUMES
Sexy Tiger King!
Since I just mentioned Love Is Blind, let's go with the other collective Netflix obsession from this year. I'll admit I'm a little confused about why there is a modesty panel on a Yandy product. 2020 is wild. I deeply love the peep toe thigh high jeans boots for this costume; I think they really make the look. By the way, the peep toe thigh high jeans boots do not come with the outfit.
So you know how Yandy can't just like name something with it is? Like Sexy Tinkerbell has to be like Sassy Twinkle Fairy or something like that? I suppose this is for legal reasons (esp. dealing with The Mouse) but it is one of the truly bizarre parts of the Sexy ___ costume industry. Anyway this costume is called Coolest Cat, in a blatant nod to That Bitch Carole Baskins and her standard "hey all you cool cats and kittens" greeting. And yes, on the website this is shown as a companion costume to Sexy Joe Exotic.
Okay so this is obviously the Slave 4 U At The VMAs With The Python, but interpreted by way of Steven Tyler's microphone stand. What in the name of Stevie Nicks is happening with these rando scarves!? I absolutely must show you the copy on the product page because it is INCREDIBLE. She's back, Bitch! Are you a slave to sexy? Oops, you did it again, but your die-hard babes aren't sad about your daring debut. Get caught reminiscing on your '90s teen stardom in this exclusive Slay For You Superstar costume featuring a green mesh crop top with rhinestone embellishments, adjustable spaghetti straps, matching denim booty shorts with butterfly detailing, a front zipper, rhinestone bejeweled accents with multi-color draping mesh panels, and a yellow slithering snake shoulder drape. (Shoes not included.)
Please have this inscribed on my tombstone.
Sexy Mortal Kombat 1!
Because we are celebrating Mortal Kombat 11 I suppose? This one is called Finish Him while....
Sexy Mortal Kombat 2!
is called Fem Fatality. Listen, I hate a pun but that one can stay. That is dumb in the perfect way.
Okay, y'all. It's not usual that I do this but I'm about to give you my favorite Sexy ____ costume of the year in the middle of the post. This is hilariously 30+ years out of relevance and could not make me laugh more. It might be one of my all time favorites, actually. Without further ado, I give you...
As the children say, I am screaming! I find this extremely hilarious but also potentially very upsetting because you know the most famous line is "if it bleeds we can kill it" and I feel like misogyny is gonna just go wild on that one. If that happens to you, Sexy Predator, you know what to do: GET TO THA CHOPPA!
SEXY GENERICS
Okay sure but what's up with the extremely high garters? How? What does the butt look like with those under the white shorts/underwear?
Sexy Schoolgirl!
But Meg, I hear you saying, the Sexy Schoolgirl is surely one of the most basic of all Sexy ___ costumes! Certainly we've seen this before, you say. And while this is true and I try my best to only give you the freshest and newest Sexy ___ costumes each year.... LOOK AT THIS ABSOLUTELY BONKERS SLEEVES SITUATION! Is this Yandy's version of all those Halloweens my mom ruined my costume by making me wear a turtleneck under it because October 31 is cold in NJ? That's possible. But I'd like to entertain a more cerebral approach. I believe this costume is meant to give the owner of the gaze [male-intended, I'm sure] to feel as though they suddenly developed X-ray vision! This person is clearly wearing a full shirt and long skirt but because of your X-ray vision, you can see the bra and thigh highs hidden within! It's like magic eye but for boobs.
This is fairly deluxe! Not entirely sure how I feel about the large tufts of fur around the bikini line - seems like it would tickle or itch.
This just look exhausting. Imagine trying to pee in this thing!?
As you may know, my #1 favorite of all time is the Sexy Bee. I find it utterly ridiculous to imagine a bee being sexy and, indeed, it is the Sexy Bee that launched me into this unending spiral as a Sexy ___ costume connoisseur. You may also know I hate puns. All of that said, omg someone please buy me this.
I like that the wings are not only on the back but also on the breasts. The ones on the boobs look like jazz hands, so even better.
You know she's a fallen angel because she only has the titty wings, not the regular wings too.
This is 100% see through. Love the Misfits mask.
I have to admit that with the mask, I am little confused. Is the skeleton Rene Elizando's memorable hands or is the skeleton Janet herself?
I'd like to believe that this is a pair of the jeans underwear or jeans swimsuit bottoms that Keke Palmer's character was trying to sell in Hustlers. Incidentally, Jennifer Lynn Lopez should have won many awards for that movie. I'm still mad.
I'm not mad at it, though I feel like I've seen something like this on every queen who shows up to RuPaul's Drag Race not knowing how to sew. At least there seem to be hems. In fact, everywhere you look there's a hem.
SEXY TOPICAL COSTUMES
This costume is called Banana Bread Boredom. I am absolutely serious. The designers at Yandy sat around their virtual table in late spring and discussed what are the topical costumes that could come out of the pandemic and someone apparently was like, "Everyone on my social media feeds is baking banana bread because they don't know what else to do." And everyone else on the zoom decided to make it a costume. God, I wish I worked at Yandy.
The sticker placements truly elevate it.
You know how I know this is a letter carrier? It says it on the shirt. The shirt with the buttons that only go to the underboob line. And yet we gave Sexy Joe Exotic a modesty panel. Go figure.
In closing, thanks to Yandy for being our favorite resource for Sexy ___ costumes and for coming through this year even in a pandemic. Oh and Yandy, if you are reading this, you truly need to examine the lack of racial and ethnic diversity among your models. Happy Halloween y'all! Wear a mask!
Because we are celebrating Mortal Kombat 11 I suppose? This one is called Finish Him while....
is called Fem Fatality. Listen, I hate a pun but that one can stay. That is dumb in the perfect way.
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